Hi. Originally, I was going to do this elaborate e-mail with pretty photos, wry captions, and thoughtful commentary of mass hysteria, adrenaline, and why people do stupid things to tell stories about them later. But, then my kids got sick and I haven't had more than four hours of sleep in two nights. Soooo... I remembered I had an old blog where I posted things, like, three times in three years, and thought I'd just do this and send everyone the link and move on with my life. Forgive the bad formatting and possible typos. Anyway.
Numbered lists keep me sane.
1. All you people--each and every single one of you--are fantastic, sadistic human beings for donating money to Habitat for Humanity. I love you all and would gladly commit perjury in a court of law to keep you safe. (Although, let's face it--some of you are more likely to end up in front of a judge than others.) Special shout-out to Myles for being the perfect blend of insanely generous and generously insane.
2. The morning was minus 15 with windchill. (Thirty-five km/hour winds!) Part of me was happy because if you're gonna do this, you may as well DO this, amirite?
3. We stuck Lorelei and Oliver with their abuelos and headed down to the lake around 10:30 a.m. Nat wore three layers and a slanket (note: slankets are like snuggies [blanket with sleeves] but are far better), and still complained it was too cold to go for a walk to watch her husband kill himself.
4. We got to the beach and noticed everything was literally fucking frozen over. Except my tears.
5. By the time we got to the gates of hell (i.e. the starting point), there was already a crowd. I noted virtually everyone I talked to said this was their first time. Except one couple, but they were totally those people who skydive together and have sex in bar restrooms, so whatever. Takeaway: this is something you do once and never again unless you're desperate for attention.
6. I registered while Nat got free samosas. She ate mine because she was convinced it wasn't veggie. This despite it was clearly veggie. We also got a granola bar Nat swore was manufactured by Veronica Mars, but she was wrong, just like that samosa of mine she ate.
7. I used a portapotty and instantly remembered the special effects involved with emptying one's bladder outside in subzero temperatures. (Sorry. #TMI)
8. Getting changed with strangers is fun. I was next to a women's rollery derby team and members of a black fraternity. They were all in better shape than me. I had to put on aquasocks because we were warned about dangers with debris. They were sexy. (Also: my backpack was full of hiking stuff so I borrowed Lore's owl backpack to hold my towels and changes of clothing. It is pretty great.)
9. Jumping up and down on a beach to stave off hypothermia is fun when you do it with others and everyone is cheering, chanting, and wooooohing.
10. This was not MY year in terms of not putting on weight or getting into shape, soooo consider this fair warning in case you want to scroll through the pictures that follow quickly. Things can't be unseen. (Also, you're welcome for already removing a bunch of other photos.)
11. They yelled 'go,' and we all charged in like idiots running into a swimming pool of broken glass and knives.
12. My plan was to run to waist-deep, and then graceully shallow-dive like a dolphin. Three seconds in the water, I felt my brain, breathing, and heart go into panic mode (it's literally entering your body into shock), so my new plan instantly became to get to almost my waist, squat down, and dunk my head. Even this was excruciating.
13. I don't remember heading back to the beach. Photo evidence suggests I stoically walked instead of ran like the wind, which makes no sense. Also, my bathing suit was falling off. Sorry.
14. Getting out, I was really cold. Obviously. Hadn't counted on the pain, though. I was really concerned about frostbite on my feet--they alternated between razor pain and absolute numbness. Only calmed down when I heard others panicking and realized that if we all felt it, it would probably be OK. Or this would make the newspaper: "Dozens crippled into stupid charity thing."
15. I feel like Nat could've done more to warm and dress me quickly, rather than taking pictures and fretting about a complete stranger female roller derbyist.
16. On the way to the car, I kept coughing my lungs up and tasting blood in my throat. Totally normal, right?
17. We passed a playground with dinosaur statues--this is the same park my dad would take me and my brother (and, eventually, sister) to hang out before heading over to his father's. If I could tell five-year-old Erik that he'd come back here to climb a stegosaurus (badly--still couldn't feel my feet) after jumping in the lake on new year's day, he would be confused. And frightened.
18. If you'd like to see someone else's video of the event, but with a semi-sorta-comparable experience as mine, visit http://metronews.ca/news/toronto/1250796/video-metro-toronto-takes-the-polar-bear-dip/.
19. I am in a very unflattering position in photo 13 of Blogto's gallery at: http://www.blogto.com/sports_play/2015/01/15_bone-chilling_photos_of_the_annual_polar_bear_dip/. Yeah, I will get in shape in 2015; I can feel your judgment from here. (Also? Could've been worse and been the guy in photo 14.)
20. Will I do this ever again? Not on my own. Buuuuuuut... if you're thinking about it, I might be stupid enough to go again as a team-member.
21. Here are some pretty photos.
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